Fully Automatic Water-Cooled Assault Wednesday One-Liners
Four-year-old boy: I have gun! Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun! –Gate, Newark Airport Overheard by: minkey Man on phone: Yo! The last time I saw that nigga I shot at that nigga! –43rd & 7th Overheard by:...
View ArticleDanger Is the Spice
Teenage boy: I don’t understand! If it’s so tasty, why is it in a neighborhood where people start shooting at each other? –Fulton & Pearl Overheard by: bluekale
View ArticleOr Worse, in Grease 2
Man to cop: But if I shoot and kill someone in my home, it's no problem, right? Cop: No problem here; but you might have a problem in Greece. –30th Ave & 31st St Overheard by: Source
View ArticleMy New Wife, Wednesday One-liners
Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife. –B train Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen. –F train Queer on cell: Hi,...
View ArticleIt’s All Greek to Me
Businessguy: It’s a small world. Businesschick: Especially in Astoria! Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha! Businesschick: Hee, hee. Source
View ArticleI Thought Your Pump-up Jam Was “If I Could Turn Back Time”?
[“Umbrella” by rihanna is being loudly played.]Stoned gay guy: Oh my god, I love this song. This is totally what you hear before you start shooting kids in the projects.Gay guy: Uh, excuse me?Stoned...
View ArticleHe Means the Dog, You Crummy Jerk!
A Lab suddenly breaks free from the parking tenant and runs into the street and starts nipping at the skirt of a lady walking with her boyfriend. Parking guy #1: Yo! Come on, pooch! Get your ass over...
View ArticleIt’s Not As If Bullets Hurt Him
Guy: Did you hear that the dude who shot the Pope got let go from jail? Girl: Yeah, and the Pope forgave him and everything. Guy: Wow, I totally want to shoot the Pope now! Girl: Yeah, he’d probably be...
View ArticleHow to Explain “Trashy” to Non-Native Speakers
Lady gentrifier: Like Joey Buttafuoco? Guy gentrifier: Yes, like Joey Buttafuoco. –Prospect Heights, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jordamn! Source
View ArticleGod Bless the LIRR
30-something guy: Have you ever shot an AK-47? 40-something girl: Oh my god, yes! 30-something guy: How did it feel? 40-something girl: Pulling that trigger… It’s amazing. 30-something guy: Getting...
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